Sandy's profileThe Sandy BoxPhotosBlogListsMore  |  Tools Help |
|
9/8/2009 New Blog.Please visit! No one visits my new blog and I miss all your comments... :(
http://littlerayovsun.com 12/4/2008 Journal Entry December 4th, 2008 3:31 PMDecember 4th, 2008 3:31 PM I think it's cool when course material overlaps because I feel knowledgeable and it makes testing easier, but it also makes me worry about what they're not teaching us. There's too much knowledge out there. Who makes the decision that what we're learning is the most important, what are their interests, and what gets cut? 8/23/2008 The Kindness Of StrangersI have on numerous occasions been touched by the kindness of strangers. It doesn't happen often, which is probably what makes it all the more special, but when it does, it helps restore my faith in humanity, even if only temporarily. I seem to have the ability to touch complete strangers with some of my blogs, and the comments or messages I receive from them are so heartfelt and sincere that it warms me inside. The relief I feel when I realize that there are still decent people out there, people that care enough to take a minute out of their day to try to cheer someone, makes me believe everything's not lost. If you are one of these people, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. Never stop being that person that you are. You touch people, make their lives easier, happier, more full, whether you know it or not. The smallest thing you do, smiling at a stranger in passing on the street, can make a bigger difference than you know. Peace & much love, Sandy 8/16/2008 Sadness Overwhelms MeI'm feeling sad today. I don't know what it is. I feel like there are very few people on my side, and although I know this not to be true, that doesn't mean it doesn't feel that way. I'm sure you know the feeling I'm talking about. Some friend will say some offhanded remark and you take it the wrong way. They don't mean to hurt your feelings and probably didn't even realize it at the time, but it happens all the same. Or someone you are close to doesn't care to hear what you have to say, doesn't have the time to talk about things you need or want to talk about, or even if they have the time and make it, you can tell that they are disinterested or would rather not be involved in the conversation. There are the people who have unrealistic expectations of you to add to your unrealistic expectations of yourself. There are the drunk people singing at the top of their lungs in the next room who will probably wake you up again tonight when they come home from the bar. There is the person you are missing who gets you, but is unavailable at the moment and it makes you lonely. The feeling that everything is wrong, despite the fact that you know you have so much to be happy about and it's only a passing bad mood, that you can't shake. It's the opposite feeling of "everything is right in the world." I would love to have that feeling right now. How long will it last this time? Playing God.So, this is something that I read on one of my random friend's Facebook and I really enjoyed it and thought I'd share it with you. Take from it what you will.
This time, I merely have an experience I would like to share.
5/23/2008 "Life isn't about finding yourself, it's about creating yourself" -George Bernard ShawTrue that George Bernard! I had, like most, always assumed that life was in fact about finding yourself. I mean, that's what we are always told, or in the very least, led to believe. How depressing to think that who you are is already set out for you! The first time I read this quote it was like the gears inside me shifted a little and something finally clicked; a light came on! I am a fully functioning human being! I make the decisions that affect my life, and the same is true for you. If there is something in your life that makes you unhappy, it is up to you to fix that. Don't wait around for life to work itself out. Be proactive about your life! It's YOUR life. THAT is how you find true happiness. And sure, it can be scary as hell sometimes, but that is what living feels like! The decisions you make every day, even the little ones like "Am I going to eat this banana?", they make up who you are. Everything you do, everything you say...influences what you are. Next time you have a decision to make, ask yourself not, "Is this who I am?", but, "Is this who I want to be?". It's a conscious decision you make, and if there is something in your life that you are not happy with, it is up to you to change it. Time for the overused quote: "You must be the change you wish to see in the world." -Mahatma Gandhi Much love, sandy <3 3/4/2008 Update...My last blog was rather...bitter, and I just wanted to say that, although I feel the same about that person, I am generally really happy with life right now.
I know sometimes it's hard to tell...lol
Also, I think everyone should read the book that i just added to my book list, Democracy's Oxygen: How Corporations Control the News. You owe it to yourself.
That is all.
Much love,
sandy<3
2/25/2008 Fuck You.So, i'm
sitting here on my bed after getting home from work, trying to decide
whether or not i will work on my essay; trying to decide whether or not
i will do some laundry; trying to decide whether or not i will ever
talk to you again...i've actually already decided that i won't. it's
just that, sometimes i give in and do it anyway. i almost did tonight.
i almost did five minutes ago. but now i'm thinking, fuck you. you're a
shitty friend.
I have a lot to be happy about....why can you always bring me down? Puz.zle: n. Something that requires ingenuity and often persistence in solving or assembling.Sometimes, I feel like no one knows me. Not me in my entirety. It's like, if I took all my friends' different perceptions of me and put them together, that would be me. I just don't know how to be that person all the time. It's like I'm a big puzzle. The kind with really, really, little pieces that takes a long time to figure out...and you get frustrated with it and give up. I feel like there is so much to me that I can only be one part of myself at a time. I feel like if I died, each person at my funeral would be mourning someone different. And that if one of my friends died, a part of me would die with them. The part that only they knew. I would be incomplete, and I don't think that I could recreate that part of me. I wish I had someone who knew every piece of my puzzle. Is that why when people find their soul mates they say they feel complete? Maybe a soul mate is just someone who sticks around to finish the puzzle. Someone who just doesn't give up. Please don't give up on me. 2/14/2008 I'm a human being, goddamn it! My life has value!"Bullshit is all the reasons we give for living. And if we can't think up any reasons of our own, we always have the God bullshit. We don't know why we're going through all this pointless pain, humiliation, decays, so there better be someone somewhere who does know. That's the God bullshit. And then, there's the noble man bullshit; that man is a noble creature that can order his own world; who needs God? Well, if there's anybody out there that can look around this demented slaughterhouse of a world we live in and tell me that man is a noble creature, believe me: That man is full of bullshit."
"I don't have to tell you things are bad. Everybody knows things are bad. It's a depression. Everybody's out of work or scared of losing their job. The dollar buys a nickel's work, banks are going bust, shopkeepers keep a gun under the counter. Punks are running wild in the street and there's nobody anywhere who seems to know what to do, and there's no end to it. We know the air is unfit to breathe and our food is unfit to eat, and we sit watching our TV's while some local newscaster tells us that today we had fifteen homicides and sixty-three violent crimes, as if that's the way it's supposed to be. We know things are bad - worse than bad. They're crazy. It's like everything everywhere is going crazy, so we don't go out anymore. We sit in the house, and slowly the world we are living in is getting smaller, and all we say is, 'Please, at least leave us alone in our living rooms. Let me have my toaster and my TV and my steel-belted radials and I won't say anything. Just leave us alone.' Well, I'm not gonna leave you alone. I want you to get mad! I don't want you to protest. I don't want you to riot - I don't want you to write to your congressman because I wouldn't know what to tell you to write. I don't know what to do about the depression and the inflation and the Russians and the crime in the street. All I know is that first you've got to get mad. You've got to say, 'I'm a HUMAN BEING, Goddamnit! My life has VALUE!'"
"Right now, there is a whole, an entire generation that never knew anything that didn't come out of this tube. This tube is the gospel, the ultimate revelation; this tube can make or break presidents, popes, prime ministers; this tube is the most awesome goddamn propaganda force in the whole godless world, and woe is us if it ever falls into the hands of the wrong people."
"You're beginning to believe the illusions we're spinning here, you're beginning to believe that the tube is reality and your own lives are unreal. You do. Why, whatever the tube tells you: you dress like the tube, you eat like the tube, you raise your children like the tube, you even think like the tube. This is mass madness, you maniacs. In God's name, you people are the real thing, WE are the illusion. "
-Howard Beale (Network)
2/5/2008 Freecycle!"Welcome! The Freecycle Network™ is made up of 4,234 groups with 4,449,000 members across the globe. It's a grassroots and entirely nonprofit movement of people who are giving (& getting) stuff for free in their own towns. It's all about reuse and keeping good stuff out of landfills. Each local group is moderated by a local volunteer (them's good people). Membership is free. To sign up, find your community by entering it into the search box above or by clicking on “Browse Groups” above the search box. Have fun!"
Let's get some more people involved! The more members, the more free stuff!
<3 sandy. 12/7/2007 Why GeorgiaSo, I was listening to John Mayer [because I love him], and for the first time I noticed how perfectly his song described how I feel about my life. And I mean, word for word [minus the part about me having an apartment...and driving down specifically '85'... and Georgia, since I don't know one ha ha, but I'm sure you can use your imagination/common sense to figure it out]. So here is a little insight into who I am, courtesy of John Mayer:
So there ya have it. Pretend he says house instead of apartment and change the highway to 74 and it's all true. I have a strange affinity for the name Georgia and I think that this song may be part of the reason. I also correlate it to the fact that Gone With the Wind was/is one of my all time favourite movies and Scarlet is from Georgia..lol. <3 sandy 12/5/2007 Procrastination.....again....suprise.hey there, i just wanted to let you know that i love you. whoever you are. i do. i just thought you should know that; someone loves you, no matter how it may feel sometimes. <3 sandy 11/7/2007 Little MomentsIt is nice to have something to keep to yourself. In this world, we are sharing every bit of information with everyone in the world (literally) and it kinda takes away from having personal moments. You get a warm feeling when you see something 'magical' happen and you are all alone...or even if its you and a stranger, because to you, they dont exist after that moment you shared. Over time though it begins to seem like a dream and that is usually when I end up telling someone....for fear of losing that feeling; for fear of that moment disappearing.
10/30/2007 maybe this will help you vote....maybe not.i really hate when people either don't vote or make an uneducated vote because its what their parents or friends or whoever else influences them to do. if you don't know what you're doing.....FIGURE IT OUT! there was only a 52% voter turnout at this last election...VERY dissappointing. Especially since there was the referrendum. but alas, it is too late now. do something about it for next time eh?
this won't give you the answer, but it may be interesting to see if you are actually where you think you are on the political spectrum. exercise your right to vote!
love. 10/27/2007 Talking about hugsha ha oh yeah...i have since done my own free hugs campaign with a couple friends in Jasper, Alberta. I will post the photos. enjoy! spread the love! peace and love, sandy Quote hugs Ups and Downshmmmm. so, it's been a while. ALOT has happened since i last wrote and if you actually know me then you will know this...if not then, well, i have no idea where to start. I kinda wish...scratch that, i DO wish, that i had kept a journal while i was in Alberta. well, i guess i did, but i was thinking something more public that can be shared...i'm not sure if feel like sharing anything i've written while i was out there. let me check...ok here is something:
May 31, 2007.
"The feeling of 'here', I would say, is similar to that which you get from Manitoulin, or any other like place. The east coast maybe? Hard to compare the east and west coasts. But it is the feeling of being in the mountains that compares. Is the word serenity appropriate? It is calming and I find myself wanting to use, on several occassions, the term 'God's Country', which is rather hilarious if you know me.
Now I've reloacted to the river and I am huddled inside my Becker's sweater and the brown balnket off my bed. The rapids are stronger than when we first got here. I will pretend to know why and say it is because with the warmer weather more of the glacier melts and increases the flow. Why is it really stronger? Who knows. Its truly an amazing thing to sit here and know that this water comes from glaciers. To be in the Rocky Mountains. It is amazing and inspriring. It will put you in your place. We are so small, so small. You will never see every inch of earth. There are still some places that man has never known. I wish I could be in one of those places; to feel what that is really like. I need to put on my slippers.
It is freezing down by the water, and yet I don't want to leave. It is a different feeling still. When I go back to the house Shelly and Yvette will be there and the magic will not."
July 12, 2007.
"I am sitting in the living room right now. John is playing the guitar and everyone else is sitting around. Classic Becker's night. Sitting with us are Crystal, Cory, Kristina & Mandy. I think Beth is calling Dave & everyone else has gone to see Transformers....again. ha. I can't say I blame them though. It was amazing.
I think Mandy is drawing. What an artistic bunch we are. ha ha.
It's so hot in here. Cory is now lying on the foor and we all feel like we are melting."
So really there's not much else in there that i would say is sharable lol. Consider yourselves priveleged to be reading any of it. Usually i let no one read what i write in my journal.
I am feeling pretty happy right now. Well, i actually don't know if happy is the appropriate word. i guess i could use content. i mean, things could be better. there are still some things that i want that arent looking too attainable at this point, but c'est la vie eh? i just finished a week from hell and that is my reason for my contentedness lol. wrote two exams and a test and handed in my essay prospectus which i had to do research for....which i'm sure to anyone who is in a year higher than first year university sounds like nothing. oh well. to me it sucked balls and i was a liiiittle stressed. ask chardey if you will. or anyone else who worked with me monday night lol. also, i have tomorrow off and i'm really looking forward to sleeping in. what are my plans for the afternoon? who the hell knows. beth is supposed to be calling me sometime but other than that i really couldn't tell ya.
as you can see, the title of this 'blog' is ups & downs. why? well, because that is precisely how i've been feeling. man oh man. life is pretty messed up sometimes. i had a pretty good day today so its been an up but who knows about tomorrow. i get thinking about school and all the different things i want to take and then i wonder if i'm doing the right thing and wonder where i'm going to get a job...and i mean geographical-wise. like, do i want to work internationally? i mean, of course i do but, will i want that forever? and how easy would it be to change out of that? i'm sure i wont want to be travelling around for the rest of my life...as a human i have the same innate desire as (mostly) everyone else to settle down and create roots. so of course i dont want to mess that up..but to tell you the truth it doesnt look like it will be happening for a while. this of course leads me to think about people. friends, family and the 'other' category ha ha ha. what about them? do i think too much? sometimes i think i do and then other times i wonder if i dont think enough lol. ugh.
oh life, what are you? how much longer can you even go on? when i think about all the bullshit that is going on the world it scares me. you try not to think about it i'm sure, or maybe you don't even know abou it....and maybe i'd be better off if i didnt know either. in fact, sometimes i'm sure i'd be better off. life would be much simpiler and therefore probably happier... but it might also be shorter. and i am determined that i will make a difference in some way...i just dont know how. i think my problem is that i dont focus on one issue. there are so many problems and it overwhelms me. i wish other people cared enough to do something about them as well. people say they care but do nothing. its depressing. look, i've talked myself into a down again. i think i might have some kind of emotional disorder lol.
oh well. i think that i am going to write personal things in my pretty book i bought in jasper. i miss jasper; i miss the people and that time in my life. i wasnt that long ago really but it still feels like forever.
this is one long-ass post.
<3 sandy.
3/21/2007 Confidenceany confidence that i show is not real. it is merely there so that you dont realize how much you can hurt me. |
|
|
